Once again, I picked up my notepad with shaky hands. I studied what we were taught
that day. This is going to be the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.
I ran out of my room to peep through the window, I can see that my husband and
the two ladies were still laughing and drinking.
I ran to the kitchen; the water is now boiling. Oops, I ran back into the room to
change from my work dress to my simple gown.
I ran back to the kitchen, brought out all the arsenals I needed for this century
attack, placed them on the kitchen table, took the turning stick, poured the yam flour
into the hot boiling water and prepared a sumptuous amala meal.
I dashed to the fridge, brought out the very delicious vegetable stew I prepared last
week before my husband’s trouble landed me in the hospital. I microwaved it and
served it into one of the designers’ plates in the kitchen used for special occasions.
I placed this sumptuous meal into a tray with a very cold juice beside it.
Oh, I forgot I have cow tongue inside the freezer. Already cooked. I rushed to pick it
and also microwaved it. Now my assault is almost done.
I was sweating seriously but it’s getting dark. I needed to move fast. I ran into my
room almost tripping on the chairs in the living room.
I rushed into bathroom, used towel to clean my face. Applied enough perfume and
where did I put that my lacy red gown?
Yes, I found it in the second wardrobe. I put it on with my red flat shoes. Applied
more perfume. I almost choke from the scent of my perfume.
I ran back into the kitchen, picked up my meal and walk to the door. At the door, my
heart was beating. Anyone close to me can hear my heart pumping.
Oooh, I need these hands to stop shaking, aaah, my legs have joined in the shaking. I
can’t go back. I must finish this one.
I opened the door and with a smile on my face (a very fake smile), I walked steadily
but with grace towards my husband and his guests.
As soon as they spotted me, all discussions stopped. Yeah, Yeah, a queen is coming I
thought in my heart.
I wish I can describe the look on their faces. My husband was looking as if he saw his
late grannies ghost dancing right in front of him.
The first lady closest to me stood up. The speed at which she stood up, you would
think an army had pointed gun at her.
The second lady had really big eyes and they were open 100%, I was afraid her eyes
will pump out of the sockets.
Taking in all I see before me, I walked gracefully to them.
I said to the girls “hello pretty ladies”.
No reply, lols
I placed the meal before my husband, I said to him,
“Hi honey, you can’t drink beer on an empty stomach”
No reply, just stares.
I turned back, and wanted to walk back inside but changed my mind and just walk
into the street and off from the house.
When I knew they couldn’t see me again, I rested on a stationed car and caught my
I was sweating, my heart was trying to jump out of my mouth. The hands and legs
I screamed. Oh yeah…..
Everyone around gave me a funny look, I smiled at them. Turned back and went back
There was no sign of my husband, the girls, the table, the chairs, my food, or his car.
They’ve all disappeared within five minutes. Wow!!!
No man or girlfriend can mess with a tactically crazy wife.
I entered the house and went straight to bed. Victory is so sweet. I don’t feel like
As I was about to lie down, I noticed my phone was ringing. I checked the phone.
I started laughing, oh how good when your number one enemy is calling you.
The call was from my husband…….
Author: Femi Oluyamoju